Become a Space Explorer

[space references; moody background music; to be played while reading]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AyPA-qDIzww  

I didn't have respect for, nor interest in, science fiction books until my LIT2010 class freshman year: Intro to [science] Fiction.

In elementary school, I would always check out science books: books about space and the planets. There's something so mystifying to me about that endless black void...What happened? I used to love the influx of knowledge. Now, I put it off like I have better things to do. How did I go from being such an avid and voracious science reader/lover to turning my nose up to it and not giving it a second thought? 

Funny how we change over time...

She sayin do you have the time, to listen to me whine?...

If I was to sit down with my eight-year-old self, would I be happy with the person I turned out to be? Am I proud of my person? There's so many things I had planned for myself. This life is nothing like what I had imagined it to be... 

                            Pressure

                            Alcohol

                            Drugs

                            Sex/Love

                            Loss of drive.....

                                                      Boy you got a problem, and you ain't foolin no one but yourself...

Be an activist.

I'm supposed to be an activist.

But I'm not active about anything at the moment.....

Not even my life. 

I'm finding it harder and harder to differentiate my own voice in the mass of the collective. Sometimes, the other voices drown out my own. Who am I? What are my core values? What is most important to me? Most importantly....What is it that I want from this life?

..........I don't know.

How do you know?

How do you figure it out?

Can't I just have peace? Can't I make up my own mind, make my own decisions instead of having everyone else chime in? No one ever told me life would be this hard...

                                                                                          Social obligations/responsibilities

                                                                                          Appeasement

                                                                                          Self-respect

                                                                                          Balance.

I believe in balance. I believe that you need it. I believe that you need it just like I believe that reality is confusing and meaningless without it. 

So now what?

What I want is the space to think. To be.
To explore my own space. 

I guess I'll go where ever this life takes me.

but she wanna go with me to outer space...